


a good chat never dies

by fredesrojo



Series: group therapy [3]
Category: The Old Guard (Comics), The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Andy texts like a grandma, F/F, Gen, M/M, Multi, Nicky is either very good or very bad at tech, Quynh's only saving grace is that Nile is teaching her electronics, but it hasn't happened yet in that one, obligatory Text Chat fic, vaguest illusions to booker/copley happening in one of my other fics
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:07:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25813288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fredesrojo/pseuds/fredesrojo
Summary: Obligatory Nile creates a Group Chat fic -- featuring Andy texting like a grandma, Quynh and Andy being hopelessly Gay, Joe and Nicky being couple goals, Booker and Copley being Not Subtle At All.
Relationships: Andy | Andromache of Scythia/Quynh | Noriko, Booker | Sebastian le Livre & James Copley, Booker | Sebastien le Livre/James Copley, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Nile Freeman & Quynh | Noriko
Series: group therapy [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1872793
Comments: 7
Kudos: 168





	a good chat never dies

**Author's Note:**

> Group chat fic formatting is a bitch I hate it why did I do this to myself.
> 
> riverdenile -- Nile  
> limpbaguette -- Booker  
> andmyaxe -- Andy  
> joemama -- Joe  
> saintnicky -- Nicky  
> ladyinred -- Quynh  
> thefuzz -- Copley

Nile creates the group chat initially because it's the only way Quynh is capable of talking to the other three. Everything sort of goes downhill from there.

**_riverdenile_ ** has created the chat  **_all you bitches_ **

**_riverdenile_ ** has added  **_andmyaxe, limpbaguette, joemama, saintnicky, thefuzz,_ ** and  **_ladyinred_ ** to  **_these fuckers_ **

**_andmyaxe_ ** : …What is this?

**_riverdenile:_ ** group chat obviously, you fuckin grandma, who the hell uses full capitals and punctuation

**_limpbaguette:_ ** you're going to regret that question in a moment…

**_joemama_ ** : who is limpbaguette? oh, wait, that makes sense. Nevermind.

**_limpbaguette_ ** hey!

Error -  **_limpbaguette_ ** has tried to edit user profile. Access permissions denied.

**_limpbaguette:_ ** Why is my username admin-locked?

**_riverdenile:_ ** …… 

**_limpbaguette:_ ** NILE

**_limpbaguette:_ ** fcucjing chANGE IT ROGHT NOW

**_riverdenile:_ ** zbfjdhh s jwidh OH SHIT

**_ladyinred:_ ** what is this why is sebastien chasing nile where is the fucking punctuation on this infernal device

**_andmyaxe:_ ** Quynh?

**_thefuzz:_ ** Nile asked me to create a group chat for all of you. Think of it as an extended group therapy exercise.

**_ladyinred:_ ** i don't want group therapy i want the world to burn

**_limpbaguette:_ ** quynh this is Nile I stole Booker's phone stop making vague threats and come help me down off the roof he's gonna find me OH SHIT

**_joemama:_ ** ………

**_andmyaxe:_ ** Quynh? My love?

**_ladyinred_ ** …………...

**_ladyinred:_ ** i don't like you today. maybe tomorrow. maybe next year. copley is ok though

**_thefuzz:_ ** Thank you, that is a marked improvement over the last time I saw you in person.

**_saintnicky:_ ** Why is my phone making so much noise? What are these names? Joe, is that you?

**_riverdenile:_ ** … _ fuck _ , there's three of them

**_limpbaguette:_ ** YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE SAFE

**_riverdenile:_ ** _ fCUCK _

* * *

**_riverdenile_ ** has created the group  **_nodicksallowed_ **

**_riverdenile_ ** has added  **_andmyaxe_ ** and  **_ladyinred_ ** to  **_nodicksallowed_ **

**_riverdenile_ ** girl chat rules -- I don't wanna hear about dicks, I don't wanna hear about your sex life, otherwise it's pretty much free game

**_andmyaxe_ ** Quynh? 

**_ladyinred_ ** I still do not like you today.

**_andmyaxe_ ** I'll be waiting. Until the end, just like I promised.

**_riverdenile_ ** why do i do this to myself

* * *

**_riverdenile_ ** has created the group  **_dicks are ok I guess_ **

**_riverdenile_ ** has added  **_limpbaguette, joemama, saintnicky,_ ** and  **_thefuzz_ ** to  **_dicks are ok I guess_ **

**_riverdenile_ ** has made  **_thefuzz_ ** Administrator

**_riverdenile_ ** has left the group  **_dicks are ok I guess_ **

**_joemama_ ** is anyone else a little bit offended

**_limpbaguette_ ** it's not a comment on dick size. she made a girl's group and one for all of us.

**_joemama_ ** but it  _ feels _ like a comment on dick size

**_saintnicky_ ** I think your dick is the perfect size, Yusuf.

**_joemama_ ** come over here and I'll show you how perfect it is

**_limpbaguette_ ** ...ah, fuck.

* * *

**_riverdenile_ ** has created the group  **_#Bopley2020_ **

**_riverdenile_ ** has added  **_andmyaxe, joemama, ladyinred,_ ** and  **_saintnicky_ ** to  **_#Bopley2020_ **

**_riverdenile_ ** just so I've got proof

**_riverdenile_** _bookerlookin.jpg_

**_ladyinred_ ** _ copleylookin.jpg _

**_joemama_ ** NO WAY

**_riverdenile_ ** every fuckin time he comes by. just like, mutual fucking pining and they're both so fuckin oblivious I can't stand it

**_ladyinred_ ** I told you we should lock them in the wine cellar

**_riverdenile_ ** no, we have to be subtle

**_andmyaxe_ ** Booker doesn't understand subtle. I literally had to sit on his dick for him to realize I wanted to fuck.

**_ladyinred_ ** ………

**_riverdenile_ ** my brain is trying to forget that my eyes just read that

**_ladyinred_ ** ………

**_riverdenile_ ** OH SHIT WAIT QUYNH NO DONT KILL BOOKER PLEASE PUT THE KNIFE DOWN

**_joemama_ ** uh oh

**_joemama_ ** nile u good?

**_ladyinred_ ** …………

**_riverdenile_** andy, stop bringing up the fact that you and book fucked. both for the sake of my mind, and so quynh doesn't try to kill him. Again.

**_ladyinred_ ** ……you do not have to sit on top of me, Nile

**_riverdenile_ ** nope, I'm comfortable and you're still looking stabby

**_andmyaxe_ ** Regardless. Neither of them understand subtle. 

**_joemama_ ** i agree with quynh. lock them in a room together

**_saintnicky_ ** There is no romance in that. We should let them evolve their relationship naturally.

**_ladyinred_ ** romance is dead

**_riverdenile_ ** see this is why I'm still sitting on top of you. fuckin depressing-ass bullshit. damn.

* * *

**_all you bitches_ **

**_riverdenile_ ** chaperoning the first date and I'm already uncomfortable with the tension in the room

**_riverdenile_** _andyurgayisshowing.jpg_

**_riverdenile_ ** _ quynhsgayvisiblefromspace.jpg _

**_riverdenile_ ** why they gotta be like this

**_limpbaguette_ ** is it safe to come back

**_riverdenile_ ** yes it's fine I'm cooking dinner, you gigantic wimp

**_limpbaguette_ ** I like my body whole and alive, thanks. still picking tablet shards out of my clothes from last time

**_riverdenile_** _SOGAY.jpg_

**_joemama_ ** aw, young love. Nico, isn't it adorable?

**_andmyaxe_ ** Why don't you come over here and I'll show you exactly how adorable I am?

**_riverdenile_ ** oh shit

**_ladyinred_ ** Andromache…

**_andmyaxe_ ** …Fine.

**_joemama_** _thePout.jpg_

 ** _saintnicky_** _joeisdead.jpg_

 ** _saintnicky_** _joeisalive.jpg_

**_saintnicky_ ** _ runningaway.jpg _

**_riverdenile_ ** …see this is why we can't have nice things

* * *

**_all you bitches_ **

**_riverdenile_** **@ladyinred** quit fuckin andy and come out here, we're watching Harry Potter

**_ladyinred_ ** do we have to?

**_limpbaguette_ ** mandatory team bonding, according to Nile

**_andmyaxe_ ** I prefer bonding with Quynh.

**_riverdenile_ ** you have to come out for food at some point. 

**_ladyinred_ ** but Andromache is food enough for eons

**_riverdenile_ ** ew

**_riverdenile_ ** why they always gotta go for the pussy joke

**_limpbaguette_ ** have you met quynh?

**_riverdenile_ ** ugh. Harry Potter marathon, starting in fifteen minutes. If you're not in the living room, you will be forcibly dragged there regardless of your clothing situation

**_limpbaguette_ ** says the Slytherin

**_riverdenile_ ** this is blatant Ravenclaw erasure and I won't fucking stand for it, you badger motherfucker. 

**_limpbaguette_ ** hm, fair. also not a Hufflepuff, but thanks for that assumption. #slytherinpride

**_joemama_ ** Nicolo is a Hufflepuff

**_riverdenile_** _SnapeObviously.gif_

**_limpbaguette_ ** Quynh's obviously also a Slytherin

**_riverdenile_ ** Andy's a Gryffindor. cutest Gryffindor/Slytherin relationship out there

**_limpbaguette_ ** Joe's a Gryffindor too. stupid bravery junkies

**_saintnicky_ ** He does look good in red.

**_limpbaguette_ ** .......and now they're off

**_andmyaxe_ ** What is a Gryffindor?

**_riverdenile_ ** ………

**_limpbaguette_ ** ………

**_ladyinred_ ** ………

**_riverdenile_ ** NEW PLAN WE'RE READING THE BOOKS FIRST

* * *

**_#Bopley2020_ **

**_andmyaxe_** _coffeedate.jpg_

 ** _andmyaxe_** _quynhstolemyphone.jpg_

 ** _andmyaxe_** _andypouting.jpg_

**_andmyaxe_ ** _ BOPLEYISCANON.jpg _

**_riverdenile_ ** FUCK I MISSED IT

**_joemama_ ** boss u owe me $200

**_ladyinred_ ** _ andyfuckoff.jpg _

**_ladyinred_ ** Andromache is sulking

**_riverdenile_ ** well she bet on both of them being oblivious until after Halloween, so…

**_saintnicky_ ** Boss, you owe me $500. I shall take Yusuf out on a romantic evening with my winnings.

**_riverdenile_ ** and $250 to me

**_ladyinred_ ** did all of you bet against her?

**_riverdenile_ ** nah I think Nicky actually wins the full pot since he picked this month but Andy placed her bet the farthest out and said there was no way they'd cave earlier so she loses

**_ladyinred_** _andypout2.jpg_

**_riverdenile_ ** pleasure doing business with you


End file.
